Nice to Meet Ed
by Syphrosyne69
Summary: A new kid comes to the cul-de-sac, leaving the Eds to make a potential new friend and scam a few pennies off of her.


The neighborhood was passing by, new and unfamiliar surroundings making me sink back into my seat and retreat my legs against my chest. We had left so suddenly, and this new emotion that my father had about him was sad and lonely. I decided to break the suffocating silence as we were the only ones on the late bus. "Why are we leaving pop?" I asked, looking up at him from my low height. He paused then took a deep breath of forfeit.

"Away." He answered without giving me a glance.

"Far away?" I quivered.

"Far away." He repeated.

"Why?"

"Mom's... sick." He seemed to swallow his words like medicine. I gave out a sigh. 'More like a nut' I thought to myself, shaking my head slowly. He always treated me like I was five, but that was part of the charm of it. I knew that wherever he took me, I would be safe and we would make it together. But even still, I know how much I would miss my friends, how much I would wish that they could've come with me. But as my father had said, friendships are born and die. I just needed to find new, better people. It wasn't so dark back then, but now it was as I felt the reality of the severe shift in my young life.

* * *

We arrived at our new home. It's small and misshapen form gave it character. Whether it was frightening or not depended on the light I suppose. So with hesitation I followed my dad into the house. When he flipped on the lights boxes upon boxes of our belongings waited for us. "Want to help me unpack?" He threw the keys on the nearby counter and ripped open the first box. I ran up behind him, grabbing the first few things I could get my hands on and putting them wherever I felt they belonged. "Why don't you set up you room." He nodded towards a small hallway with three doors connecting our two bedrooms and a bathroom to it.

"Alright pop." I accepted his chore.

"Your boxes should already be in there." He informed me as I walked down the hall sluggishly. I opened the door and ventured inside. The stark white walls and dirty wood floor made my spirits sink even lower. But still, I opened up the first box I could see and took out a lava lamp of mine. I set it near an outlet and plugged it in. Methodically I dragged various paraphernalia from the few boxes in my room and set it all where I found most suitable. Finally I set my stuffed puppy named Spittle on the small mattress laid on the floor for my bed. I fell down on it, taking a deep, exhausted breath. At least my stuff was here, but it still felt empty compared to my old home... our old home. My father peeked in, smiling when he saw Spittle. "There he is." He grinned. "I got some ramen, you hungry?" He asked. I sat up in response.

"Starved!" I answered anxiously.

"Come on in the kitchen, I got it on the stove." I followed him back out. He had already made good progress in making the house a home as some of our most familiar possessions were scrawled away on any open surface. He grabbed a plate off of the counter and slopped some noodles on it as I grabbed a fork. "Bon appetite!" He blew a kiss to the meal and I giggled. He was such a dork.

"Thanks pop." I took the food and stuffed a forkful in my mouth ferociously, not even bothering to chew.

"I know this is going to be hard." He started as he dished out some ramen for himself. I paused, looking down. "But we'll get through this. We both need to start over." I shook my head.

"I still don't get it. Why couldn't we stay?" I questioned. His expression darkened.

"It's better this way." He said monotonously. "Trust me. Everything will be better once we get out tomorrow to meet the neighbors."

"What if they don't like me? I _am _the new kid, and you know the rules about that." I huffed. He shook his head.

"Don't worry." He comforted. "Just get out there ready to make friends."

"Friends?" I pouted. "I had friends before we moved."

"Kristen, please." He sighed, obviously exasperated. "Believe me, you'll find some buddies in no time." He winked at me and I smiled. Even though he was as cheesy as an oven-brick pizza, he always knew how to make me feel better.

* * *

I ran outside into the sunlight, skateboard at the ready. In one swift motion I had it under me and was speeding down the sidewalk, taking in the new sights, sounds and smells. This place wasn't half bad when it wasn't one in the morning. "Hey! New kid!" A puberty-cracked voice yelled from behind me. I screeched to a halt and turned in it's direction. A short kid in a yellow shirt was calling me over, so I walked to his stand labeled 'Ed's Peteet Fashons.'. The bad spelling made me laugh a little. "You want some new, designer clothes crafted by none other than the state-of-the-art, top-of-the-line Eds? Only twenty-five cents for any of our quality items." He cocked my head, looking at the merchandise behind the short kid.

"Sure dude, what've you got?" I asked. He waved in the direction of the racks and I followed his gesture, perusing through the garments.

"We've got everything from hats to shirts to pants to socks. Take your pick!" His mouth ran fast and loud but he was an ample source of entertainment. I picked up a hat from a hangar and placed it on my head. "Oh, I see you like our leaf line." He smirked.

"This thing is made from leaves?" I asked. "That's so cool."

"Nothing but the best for our valued customers." He took the hat from my head, put it behind his back and held out his other palm.

"Cash?" He said bluntly. I fished in my pocket and found a quarter, putting it in him palm. His eyes sparkled as he looked at it. I had never seen a person so happy to see a quarter before. He threw the hat at me and rushed off back behind the counter and dropped the coin in the glass jar he had.

"Excuse me, what is you name?" A small, meek voice piped up nearby. I turned to face him. He was a skinny guy, wearing a sock hat and an orangish-red shirt.

"Kris!" I grinned. "How about you?" He turned a bit red and his knees started to quiver.

"Ed-Eddward. You can call me Double-D." He introduced.

"Cool dude." I smiled.

"Skull!" Yet another voice erupted from behind me. This time is belonged to a tall boy with a red and white striped shirt and a green jacket. He was looking at my skateboard with interest.

"Yeah man! I've had this thing for ages." I picked it up and showed it to him. "Why, you wanna take him for a spin?" His eyes went wide.

"Spin? Really, really? Can I?" He flailed his hands excitedly, biting his lip in sheer hyper-tension.

"Sure, just don't break it, 'k?" I handed him my board and he took it, dropping it on the ground and laying on it on his stomach, pulling himself forward with his arms and pushing with his legs. I raised an eyebrow.

"Choo-choo!" He exclaimed. I laughed hysterically.

"Nice one!" I chuckled.

"That's Ed." Double D introduced his two companions. "And Eddy is over there, currently infatuated with his current profit." I saw Eddy over there, still staring at that silver object with such intensity I though it would combust into flames.

"I just moved across the street. It's good to meet you guys." I held out my hand to shake and he accepted it.

"WooOOOooooOOOoooOO!" Ed yelled, going full speed toward me. I jumped out of the way, taking Double D with me. Ed hit a puddle and the water splashed on my hat, causing the bonding to come undone and my new hat was now a pile of leaves. I stood up and helped Double D to his feet before picking up a stray leaf from my purchase.

"Oh man!" I whined.

"I'm so sorry. Do you want a refund?" Double D offered. Eddy suddenly broke from his cash-induced trance.

"No way!" He clung to his jar for dear life. "No refunds!"

"But Eddy--" Double D began.

"You can't make me!" Eddy seemed to snarl. What started as a snicker erupted into hysteria as I fell to the ground, chuckling so hard I couldn't breathe.

"Oh lord! What happened?" Double D panicked.

"She's possessed by the spirit of the rogue vampire-werewolf!" Ed tried to offer his suggestion. Eddy relaxed from his defensive position and came over to inspect me. I finally stopped, stood up and wiped the tears from my eyes.

"Don't worry man, I don't need a refund." I sighed. The two that had functioning brains looked at me like I had two heads.

"No... refund?" Eddy stammered.

"You guys are a riot. Consider it that I payed for your friend Ed's sick trick on my skateboard, alright?" I smiled, reaching for my board. Ed gave it to me reluctantly. "Thanks dudes, see you later." I waved as I walked back into my house for lunch.

* * *

The next day dad and I were eating waffles at out makeshift table composed of boxes when the doorbell rang. "I'll get it." I stood up and walked to the entrance, opening it up and seeing Ed, Edd and Eddy on my doorstep. "Hey guys, what's up?"

"Peanuts!" Ed exclaimed, diving into an empty box only containing the styrofoam packing peanuts left over from the move. He surfaced and spat a lot of them up into the air like a whale's spout. "Behold Neptune! King of the sea!" He dove back under as I shook my head and grinned.

"We were wondering if you were available to venture out with us. Perhaps a tour of the cul-de-sac and a meet-and-greet of the neighborhood children?" Double D explained. I shrugged.

"Sounds cool. Lemme just tell my pop. Come on in." I waved the two in and they followed me into the kitchen.

"Hey, can I go out with Ed, Edd and Eddy here. They're my new friends." I asked my dad. I glanced up from the newspaper.

"Sure Kristen, just be safe." He answered.

"Pleasure to meet you mister..." Double D began.

"Mister Young." My father finished. "Thank you for your politeness." He nodded. Double D grinned.

"Of course sir." He replied.

"Come on already! We've got some pigeons to wrangle!" Eddy interrupted. Double D and my father glared at him, Ed too busy with a peanut he had lodged in his throat by accident. Eddy seemed to shrink (even more).

"You heard him, let's go." I started out the door and Double D and Eddy took my queue.

"Come on Ed." Eddy called. Ed popped up from the pile of peanuts and an after us, hundreds flaking off from him as the static released with his movement. The birds were singing outside and the Eds and I walked down the street. "Hey Kris." Eddy began. "I've got this movie thing going on. If you... invested a bit... I could get you a part."

"Sorry." I shrugged. "I'm all tapped out from yesterday." I pulled out the inside of my pockets, proving the fact. Eddy huffed but continued on his way.

* * *

We finally arrived at what I learned was Ed's house. As soon as we entered the door, a small, annoying voice erupted like a banshee from the other room.

"Ed!" It screamed. "You idiot!" A small red-headed girl stormed out in front of us. "What did you do to Miss Muffins?" She held out a mummified doll.

"I was only dressing her up!" Whined Ed. "Like you asked, baby sister!" He cowered before this tiny girl like she was a tyrant. I was beginning to think she was.

"Yeah, chill. It looks better covered up in toilet paper anyway." I snickered. She turned to me and her face became red with anger.

"What did you say?" She yelled. I stuck my fingers in my ears.

"Nothing, nothing. Just calm down." I gave up.

"I thought so." She returned to being just a normal girl and skipped off upstairs.

"Dude..." I was taken aback.

"That's Ed's little sister Sarah." Double D explained.

"Yeah that little pain in the--"

"Eddy!" Double D interrupted.

"I agree with you Eddy." I rolled my eyes. "That chick needs some chill pills."

"Let's go down to my room before Sarah tells mom!" Ed was panicking and ran downstairs to the basement, me and the other two Eds trailing behind. We caught up with him as he leapt onto his bed, seeming to sink into the filth that covered it. Double D was a bit cautious of where he stepped to avoid bacteria as much as possible as Eddy showed no concern at all. As I looked around, I saw a Gorefest poster, a statue of Baron Von Beefdip and piles upon piles of old comics. Of course I slowly made my way towards the graphic novels and pulled out one from my favorite series 'I was a Mutant Fly'. I flipped it open and began reading, settling unknowing into the nearby chair.

"Kris don't!" Double D warned. I looked up, suddenly falling into the bottom of the seat and landing on a cooked turkey covered in blue fuzz. I leapt from the chair and ran to the other side of the room, panting. Eddy laughed hysterically.

"What a sap!" He yelled. I glared at him.

"How the hell should I have known he had a thousand year old turkey in his lazy-boy?" I retaliated. "Why do you have that?" I turned to Ed who had retrieved the transgressing item and was stroking it like a cat.

"His name is Derek." He smiled and rubbed it against his cheek. I took a step back and grimaced.

"Nice to meet you Derek." I said quietly.

"My apologies." Double D started. "Ed's room is a bit... lacking in sanitation."

"Talk about putting it mildly." I sighed, picking through the garbage in curiosity. I came across a 'Chicks Galore' magazine and gasped. "Dude!" I yelled, picking it up. "I love this thing!" The Eds turned to see what I held. Ed leapt from his bed and ran up to me.

"You like chickens?" He asked

"I used to have a chicken named Naomi." I smiled, flipping through the pictures. "I used to hold her like a baby and rub her belly. She'd fall asleep right there."

"Kris had chickens!" Ed cheered, wrapping his arms around me and hugging me so tightly, I couldn't breathe. During this experience I got a whiff of his armpit and turned green.

"Oh my god!" I gagged, trying to wriggle away from him. "That is rancid!" Ed released me and stood back. Eddy and even Double D were chuckling. "Think it's so funny, huh?" I challenged. "Hey Ed, Double D and Eddy like chickens too." I pointed to them and Ed seemed to rotate his head one hundred and eighty degrees behind himself.

"Wait, Ed, no!" Double D held out his arms to shield his face as Ed tackled them both.

"Get off of me lumpy!" Eddy yelled, squirming under Ed's clutches.

* * *

We were walking towards what Eddy had informed me was the neighborhood junkyard. The path there was through a winding road in the woods, but the other side was full of piles upon piles of discarded goods and garbage. I immediately dove into a pile and started rummaging through everything. "Dudes! Look at this!" I pulled a metal detector from the group of rubbish and Eddy snatched it from my hands.

"Can this thing find cash?" He looked at it wide-eyed and hopeful.

"It's broken bright one." I chuckled. He glared at it and threw it away.

"Piece of junk..." He muttered. I ran to retrieve it.

"Sure it's broken now, but I can fix it." I smiled, rubbing the rusted metal lovingly. "I got a way with these kinds of things." I snapped open it's fuse box and tampered with a few shorted wires, reattaching them to the right ones and securing all of the connections. I was done in a matter of seconds, closing the hatch and handing it to my new friend. "Try it out." I offered, pointing to the 'on' button. He flipped the switch, pointed it to the ground and it began to beep.

"Hah! I knew it would work!" He congratulated himself. "What did I tell ya?" I rolled my eyes.

"Great job Eddy, fantastic." I sighed. When the beeping sounds became constant he threw down the machine and dug only to find a discarded tin can buried in the ground. I stuck out my tongue.

"Like karma?" I asked.

"What-a?" He responded.

"Never mind." I shook my head.

"You're quite good with mechanics." Double D stated. "How did you learn how to work with electricity?"

"My grandpa was an engineer, we built all sorts of stuff out back. Best of all we'd take old junkers and make 'em like new to sell later." I reminisced. Eddy stopped growling at the can for a second.

"You know how to fix cars?" He asked.

"Yeah, so?"

"Come here, I got something for you." He led me and the two other Eds to a beat up van from the sixties with a purple coat, flame decals and shag interior featuring a waterbed in the back. I stared in awe.

"I could save her, but it'll take awhile." I scratched my head. "How long you known about this place?"

"Forever." Eddy hopped into the car, Ed following behind and landed on him. Eddy only threw the lump off to have Ed land laughing on the waterbed in the back.

"It's quite nice. A bit in need of a cleaning, but certainly cozy." Double D nodded.

"I'll say." I smiled, cracking open the controls near the steering wheel and checking them out first. A few crossed wires here and there, maybe some parts to replace and this van would be as good as new. As I had my head buried in my work, laughter erupted from outside. The Eds froze and I turned to them. "What is it?" I asked. Double D held his finger over his mouth for me to be quiet and I took his cue. Suddenly the door was thrust open on the drivers side and three girls stood there with threatening looks. The Eds ran for it, leaving me behind stuck under the dash. "Dudes!" I called after them.

"Look what we have here, a new girl!" One with orange hair covering her eyes scowled.

"I'll say Lee. Look at those weird pants!" One with buck teeth and long, blond hair added.

"Shut up May, you dress way worse." Another with blue hair covering her right eye snapped.

"Shut up Marie." Lee yelled, smacking her away. May grabbed my shirt collar and pulled me from the car and onto the ground. I dusted myself off a bit impatiently. "Well, well, well." Lee began to stalk around me, the two others following her movements. "Aren't you cute." Her smile was full of yellow, rotten teeth. I held my nose and coughed.

"Dude, ever heard of a breath mint!" I insulted, waving the rancid air away from my face. She paused, an angry look coming over her face. The two others were laughing so hard the fell to the ground.

"Why you little--" Lee came running after me but Marie tripped her.

"She has a point." She chuckled, putting her foot on Lee's back defiantly. 'What's your name anyway?"

"Kris." I answered. Lee threw Marie from her back and tackled her.

"Kris? Isn't that a boys name?" May asked.

"Not for me. It's short for Kristen." I explained.

"Oooh!" She squealed. "Hey Marie! It's short for Kristen."

"Is that so?" Marie flung her sister away and stood back to her feet.

"Sorry about that." She flipped her hair. "See you around sometime." And with that, she and May walked off. Lee poked my chest aggressively when they weren't looking.

"Don't cross me or my man, hussy." She growled before trailing after the other two.

"You survived the girl germs!" Ed rushed from his hiding spot and had me in another vice-grip of affection.

"Uh dude... I _am_ a girl." I raised an eyebrow and he looked at me with a blank expression.

"And I am a moo-moo!" He said all-too philosophically for such an out-of-place statement. With that he dropped to his hands and knees and picked some dirt from the ground with his teeth. I rolled my eyes a shrugged.

"What're you gonna do?" I asked myself.

"Did you see the way Lee looked at you, priceless!" Eddy guffawed as he approached me.

"Did you see the look on your face as you ran like a baby!" I countered. He ceased laughing and shot me a dirty look.

"Well yes. It does seem as if Marie and May have taken a liking to you." Double D stated.

"Bad news! Bad news!" Ed panicked.

"Lumpy is right. Stay away from the Kanker sisters if you know what's good for you." Eddy added.

"Perhaps not Eddy. What if we could use this alliance to our advantage to relieve ourselves of this Kanker epidemic?" Double D suggested. A light bulb went off above Eddy's head.

"Of course! You get real close to them and BAM! Hit 'em from behind!" Eddy schemed.

"Perhaps that sort of violence is unnecessary. A diplomatic solution may be achieved if we--"

"Shut up sock-head." Eddy interrupted. "The Kankers aren't Dip-o-stick-o or whatever."

"Either way dudes, save this for tomorrow?" I yawned, looking at the setting sun. "I'm starved and beat. See ya'll at like ten in the morning?" I asked.

"Certainly Kris. Sleep tight." Double D waved as I left.

"Don't let the mutant zombies bite!" Ed added.

* * *

I was having pancakes with my dad when a knock came on the door. I jumped up to get it and was greeted by Double D. "Hey man, I'm just finishing up breakfast." I smiled.

"Ed and Eddy are waiting in the cul-de-sac." He informed.

"Cool." I nodded. "You hungry? My pop made his world famous buttermilks." Double D looked behind him nervously. "Come on, it won't bite." I grabbed his arm and pulled him inside, making him wail in fear briefly. "Here." I sat him down on a chair and set a plate of syrup drenched pancakes on the table in front of him, handing him a fork.

"So Eddward is it?" My dad began to speak. Poor Double D sat quivering in his chair.

"Yes Mister Young." He nodded.

"Kristen tells me you went to the junkyard yesterday, found a real wreck of a van." My father paused. "Are you planning to help my daughter fix it like a gentleman?" My father raised an eyebrow and Double D almost passed out.

"Pop, stop scaring him and go do some other thing, alright?" I asked, taking his empty plate from in front of him. My dad grumbled incoherently as he stood to his feet and went into his room, closing the door behind him. "Sorry about that." I apologized. "He's a bit... protective." I was washing the dish vigorously, lathering it as much as I could.

"U-understandable." Double D stuttered, still shaking. I dried off the dish and set it in the cabinet.

"No reason to be scared though. He's harmless." I grinned. "Maybe he knows how to handle a rifle." I shrugged playfully, letting Double D know I was joking. He laughed nervously in response. "Are you gonna eat those?" I asked, pointing to his food. He shook his head slowly.

"I already ate breakfast and mother says I shouldn't eat syrup. It causes a slowed digestive process." He explained. I shook my head and took up his plate.

"What a load of..." I set it down in the sink for my dad and turned back to Double D. "Hey, you wanna see something real cool?" I asked him. He nodded.

"What is it?" He asked curiously.

"Come here, I'll show you." I waved him to follow me into my room and I picked up my sketchbook and journal, giving them to him. "Flip through a few pages." I offered. "The black one's for drawing and the purple's for my poetry." He perused through a few pictures and proses before facing me again.

"This is incredible Kris!" He complimented. I blushed furiously.

"Thanks dude, that means a lot to me." I smirked. His eyes went wide, his face turned red and he looked away as soon as he realized what was going on.

"Kris!" Ed yelled, standing at my doorway and interrupting the moment. Eddy followed up behind, hands in his pockets casually. "Eddy says he's got a new scam for the pigeons!"

"Oh does he?" I raised an eyebrow. "And how does he plan to pull this one off? More faulty leaf-weaving?"

"No! Something big!" Eddy spread his arms wide, emphasizing his words. "Something that'll make me--I mean... us rich!"

"And we could use your help." Double D offered with a smile. I returned the kind gesture.

"Let me at 'em!" I smiled as I cracked my knuckles. Maybe dad was right... maybe friendships really are born and die and reincarnate again. Either way I knew I was stuck with these dudes at least until I was out of high school, so I might as well make the best of it.


End file.
